I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
