I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
my liver is dry heaving
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
