I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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