I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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