wrigley field is MILF paradise
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
