I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
