i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
