I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
