U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
