Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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