if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
