I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
