Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
