I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
