Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
