Swine flu is the new snow day.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
