if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
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