I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
