he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Randomize
