so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
