Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Randomize
