Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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