Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Randomize
