Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
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