Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
