Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize
