Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
