I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
