you lied. pity sex is amazing.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
