He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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