he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Someone shattered a urinal.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
