we're blogging at a bar
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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