So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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