i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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