We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
