don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
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