Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
