What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
