like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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