i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
