My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
