someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
