If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
