well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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