You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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