quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
