I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
