i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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