So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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