hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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