party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
whose parrot is this?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
